|sailorstarsun (sailorstarsun) wrote,|
@ 2012-10-23 19:48:00
Two - 6/10
It's almost sad how slow I am at posting this, considering the story is done, just needs copy-pasting....
Title: Between the Two
Genre: drama, romance, mm/yaoi/slash/gay/whatever you want to call it
Rating: R/NC-17 - there are some detailed sex scenes, but it's not a smut story
Warnings: Gender issues.
Chapter Notes: Nothing in particular.
Weeks passed, and the weather turned colder as winter came, but the relationship between Randy and Felix continued to glow with warmth. Though on the surface nothing seemed to change – they still went to lunch or dinner after classes, still spent time with the piano in the music practice room – the feelings between them were stronger. Sometimes Randy would take Felix’s hand as they walked, and at the end of the day there would always be a kiss goodnight.
All in all, they were happy.
And that was, of course, despite Randy’s secret. It hadn’t been a big problem, and Felix never asked about it, but Randy quickly decided he wanted, needed, to tell him, and soon. He didn’t want to make the same mistake he did with Thompson. It was the kind of thing that could destroy a relationship, and he didn’t want to get too involved if it was going to end anyway. Randy felt now was a good time, as they were close enough for him to want to tell, but not world-crushing if the revelation ended in disaster.
So he avoided ever referring to himself as a girl or using feminine pronouns. He wouldn’t even use the ladies restroom if Felix were around. Somehow, it made him feel like less of a liar. When he was in lower moods, he could always tell himself he wasn’t lying if it was simply someone else’s assumption. And he hoped it could be a way of bringing the subject up; maybe he could lead in with a "Hey, notice how I never call myself a girl...?"
But it felt like there was never a good time. They were either too busy concentrating on studying for upcoming finals, or there were too many people around, or Randy just plain chickened-out.
He thanked the stars above that Felix was so patient. There were many things Felix was too shy to bring up on his own, and sex was probably the biggest thing of all, so he would never complain about why they’d never done more than heavy kissing, at most. But even if he weren’t too shy to speak up, Randy didn’t sense any exasperation from him anyway. Felix seemed to just accept Randy’s claims of not being ready, and never even asked about it. Sometimes he even looked relieved when Randy started backing off, possibly not ready himself.
A contributing factor to Felix’s shyness, Randy guessed, may have been that he had all his life been sheltered by his parents. Even now, as a college student close to graduation, he still lived under his family’s roof. Not entirely by choice – he had expressed interest in living on his own – but his family was actually on the lower end of middle-class, and that was a tough place to be in New York City. He was only able to go to school on scholarships, and needed that money to afford the ever-rising tuition, so there wasn’t much left over for living on top of books and other supplies. That, plus his desire to not be too far from his parents, was also the reason he was going to this university, not somewhere grander and more music-centered.
Though he lived with his family, Felix’s room was in the basement, where his parents almost never went, so they were basically left alone whenever Randy was over. The first time Randy had been to the house, nervously meeting Felix's parents, Mrs. Lilius had given him a wink before he and Felix slipped off to the basement, saying "I trust you two." Actually, Randy had the feeling Felix's parents were glad to see their son finally with someone, though he wondered if they'd feel the same way if they knew Randy's true gender.
Now, the room was silent as they sat side by side, each working on his own final speech for their one shared class. Sometimes they would talk, bouncing ideas off of each other or getting feedback on something that had been written. The final speech was free-topic, and they, like everyone in the class, were playing it safe and writing about their dreams for the future.
While Randy had at first been tempted to give a grand presentation about the troubles of living one’s own life versus living to society’s expectations, he decided it came too close to revealing his secret. He went with safe – ‘what I want to be and how I’m going to be it’.
After several minutes of staring at the paper in front of him, with no thoughts on how to proceed from the last sentence written, Randy finally just flopped his head onto Felix’s shoulder, giving an exasperated "Blargh."
"Uninspired," Randy answered. He wasn’t really feeling his speech at all. "This is going to be the lamest speech ever. I’ll stand up there, jabbering away, and nobody will be awake or listen."
Randy lifted his head to smile at him. "I know you will."
They just looked at each other for a moment, then Randy leaned in and gave a kiss on the cheek. A small blush came across Felix’s face, but he slowly reached over to tentatively put a hand on Randy’s knee. A second later brought more kisses, on the lips. Felix was finally comfortable kissing open-mouthed, so the embrace easily became deeper, with tongues dancing and hands clinging. As always, Randy had learned, Felix tasted like tea.
The scent and the taste and the hands made him hard. He could tell Felix was too, from the way he squirmed in his seat. Randy wanted him; wanted to feel him inside. Badly. But it would require coming forward with his secret.
His erection was trapped painfully in his nylons.
Now would be a very good time to say it.
"Fe-Felix..." Randy pulled back to look at the other’s flushed face. Felix’s eyes were wide, and he was panting slightly. He looked alarmed, and very needy, as if shocked by his own desire. "I... I..." He was so close to saying it, the words right on the edge of his tongue. If he could just make this confession, they could get on with it, give in to their feelings, and make love.
Randy suddenly stood up. He pushed his chair back, and then kneeled in front of the other boy, reaching up to unfasten his pants. A glance up showed Felix’s eyes had grown even larger as his hardened member was freed, and Randy gave a smile before bowing his head, taking him into his mouth.
How funny it was that it was easier to suck a guy off then tell him you have a dick. But Randy had chickened out again. While he wanted desperately to be with Felix, it was too easy to imagine losing him if he knew. Too easy to picture that face twisting with disgust, hear that voice tell him he was sick, and feel those hands push him away. He was wrong – it would be world-crushing. He was afraid, and so he couldn’t say it.
He could do this, though.
Felix was trying not to move too much while Randy sucked him. His hands gripped the sides of the chair, and his voice was a restrained whimper, but his hips were squirming, wanting to thrust. It made Randy happy to know he felt good. He used his best moves, licking the underside of the shaft’s head, then gently probing the slit with his tongue. His hands kept busy too, touching and fondling the parts his mouth couldn’t reach. He took as much in as he could, until the tip touched the back of his throat, then pulled back, then went down again. His tongue twirled around as he sucked and bobbed. Felix was whimpering more and more, and it didn’t take long for him to reach his peak. He came a seemingly endless stream down Randy’s throat.
Randy swallowed it all; it was something he liked to do. It was cleaner, and he didn’t mind the taste, and most guys found it sexy. He continued to lick the member, even as it softened in his mouth, until every drop was gone, and Felix was clean.
When it was all done and Felix was tucked back into his pants, Randy looked up with sultry eyes.
Felix wasn’t looking back. Instead, he’d brought his hands up, hiding his face. His ears were bright red, blushing like crazy, completely obvious that was his first time ever doing anything sexual. And he was apologizing.
Randy couldn’t help but smile at him. He stood up and leaned forward, putting arms around Felix’s shoulders. "Why are you apologizing?"
"I- I- I- Y-you- T-that..."
He laughed. "Don’t be sorry." Then he grabbed the Felix’s wrists and gently pulled his hands away from his face. "And don’t be embarrassed."
"You didn’t have to do that."
"I wanted to."
Felix finally looked at him, nerves wracking his violet eyes. "I-I’ll do something for you too." His face got even redder, and Randy knew he was probably imagining the things he could do to return the favor. "But... I don’t know what..."
Too bad he was probably imagining the wrong genitalia in those mental images. "You don’t have to," Randy replied. "I’m happy just knowing you felt good."
Slowly, Felix pulled his wrists out of Randy’s light grip and took his hand. He simply looked at it a moment, then cautiously brought it to his chest, hugging it to him. And quietly, he said "Thank you."
Smiling softly, Randy brought his other hand up, running it through Felix’s dark hair. Then he wrapped his arm around the other’s head, lightly embracing. And they stayed like that, holding each other, sharing a quiet moment. Randy felt at peace, truly happy despite once again failing at saying what he needed to say. He would tell Felix soon, he promised himself. But right now, he couldn’t stand the thought of losing this.
Randy once again found himself wanting to smack himself. His furry boots made a soft thud with every step as he jogged down the empty hall. This was not the time to be forgetting important pieces of final projects behind. He knew his arm felt strangely light when he left his advanced textiles class, but it wasn’t until hours later that he realized he’d forgotten his tote bag full of sample material in the classroom. If he ran, he could get it in time to make the last bus back home – hopefully the room would be unlocked. This would of course be the day his cell phone died on him, so he couldn’t even call ahead to make sure someone was there. He was taking a chance.
As he started to pass by an intersecting hallway, a strong hand reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him from his path. Not a second later he was being pressed against the wall, and held firmly. One glimpse of tan skin told him exactly who his assailant was. "Preston!"
"I’ve been thinking about you."
"Let me go!"
Preston laughed. "Why don’t you fight me off like a man?"
"Don’t be a jerk!"
He leaned in close, bringing their lips close enough that Randy could taste his breath when he spoke. "I want you again."
"No." Randy squirmed, trying to wiggle his way out of the hold. "I’m seeing someone."
That made Randy angry. Just because Felix wasn’t Mr. Let’s Sleep With Everyone Popularity, it didn’t give anyone the right to speak down of him. Especially not someone like Preston.
He used the extra bit of strength the anger gave him and pushed the other away, stepping back from the wall afterward to prevent getting trapped again. "It’s none of your business!"
The glare Preston threw frightened him. The burn of his eyes almost made Randy lose his resolve. They reminded him of Nicholai’s piercing gold gaze, like a monster, ready to attack. The glare almost made him think it’d be easier to give in and do what Preston said, for his own safety.
Instead, Randy turned and ran.
Luckily, Preston didn’t follow. Not so luckily, the classroom he needed to get into was empty and locked. He smacked the door uselessly when the knob wouldn’t turn, then pressed a hand to his forehead to ward off oncoming tears. Between being accosted in the hall and now falling behind on his project, he was sure one more thing would have him bawling.
That one more thing happened to be him reaching the bus stop just in time to see the lights of the last bus disappear down the street. "Damn it!" he screamed, then bowed his head, too frustrated to try and stop the tears from coming.
What now? He could walk, but it would take hours and it was freezing out. With his cell dead, he couldn’t call a cab, and even if there were any pay phones on campus, which there weren’t, he didn’t have any spare cash or change on him to use it. And of course, with it being so late, all the administration offices were closed, so he couldn’t ask to use the school’s phones either.
He squatted down, legs close to giving out on him anyway, and cried as he buried his face into his knees. Stuck and angry and at a total loss for what to do, he just cried. It wouldn’t help the situation, but it sure did feel good. Even if the tears were freezing against his cheeks.
"Need a ride?"
The voice came out of nowhere, startling Randy into looking up. Thompson was looking down at him, a worried expression on his handsome face.
"I don’t mind taking you home, if you need."
Randy stood up, straightened his jacket, then turned and started walking away. He’d walk home.
"Don’t be stubborn! It’s freezing!" Thompson called out. And Randy stopped, though he didn’t turn around, so Thompson said more softly "I don’t want you to get sick."
He was right, though Randy hated to admit it. It was the beginning of winter, and the sun had set long ago. It was too cold to be out for the length of time it would take to walk back to his apartment, and all being stubborn would get him would be pneumonia. Not a great idea, right before finals – especially when he was already behind on things.
So he turned back, head bowed, and walked up to Thompson. He didn’t look up, and he didn’t say anything, but when the older man started leading him to his car, he followed.
He stayed silent, knowing he didn’t have to give directions, and the car was quiet as they drove, until Thompson asked "How are your classes going?" There was no response, and after a moment he sighed. "Randy, I’m sorry. I really am. I messed up." He paused a moment, then added "I just don’t know how to treat you anymore."
Randy frowned. Though his eyes continued to stare out the passenger window, his hands clenched into small fists. "Why should you treat me any differently than you always have?" he asked softly.
"Because like it or not, people are raised to act one way towards guys, and another way towards girls. But you’re somewhere between the two, and it leaves me at a loss. Maybe it makes me old-fashioned or not as socially advanced, but... I don’t know."
A few tears squeezed out of Randy’s eyes, and he wiped them away. "No, you’re normal." He sniffled, then rested his forehead on the window’s glass. "I’m the freak."
"Randy... I didn’t mean it like that."
He knew, but he didn’t say as much. Didn’t say anything more at all for the rest of the ride. Thompson was right – there were social norms and he was outside them. If he were being fair, he couldn’t begrudge the man for not knowing whether he should be brofisting and calling him "dude," or holding doors open for him like he would a lady.
It was still no excuse for cheating.
When they pulled up in front of his apartment building, Randy exited the car, then paused. "Thank you," he eventually said, because he really had been saved.
He turned to close the door, and saw Thompson was smiling hopefully at him. Giving a tiny smile back, he said "Good night," then closed the door and went home.
Obviously unable to work on his project now, Randy opted to just go to bed. He was confused and still frustrated, and simply wanted the day to be done with.
He missed Felix.